The Butt of the Problem

Recently, we were duped in the toilet paper aisle. In a rebranding move internally called "The Big Bang" by Proctor and Gamble, Charmin pulled a "Coca-Cola Classic" switch on my wife.

Let me start of by informing the world that I am a lifelong Charmin man. I'm not ashamed to admit I travel with it. Some people have a particular brand of pen or a particular brand of gum. My loyalty is to Mr. Whipple.

Our Charmin has changed over the years. We've been lured by Ultra - too much padding. We've stayed with good 'old plain red Charmin:

Charmin Basic was a new wrench. We had no idea what it was - how could you get simpler than basic Charmin? Obviously, it was the first move toward "The Big Bang".

A couple of weeks ago, my wife walked into Wal-Mart and bought the familiar red Charmin. Unfortunately, red Charmin is no longer Charmin. It is super-extra-duty Charmin now:

Actually, I think it's made at the Bounty plant. This is the stuff that is cut wrong. It's better off hanging in the kitchen. It's true function in your home should be wiping up motor oil in the garage or soaking up grease off bacon.

I lasted one night. The next day, I was off to find real Charmin. Unfortunately, it is gone! There is only Charmin Ultra Strong, Charmin Ultra Soft and Charmin Basic. I took my 11 remaining rolls of Ultra Strong to the Help Center (I told them to put it in the kitchen and they looked at me funny). I now have Ultra Soft. It's not as bad as "Ultra" used to be. It's very close to being "Charmin Classic", but I'm afraid the original formula is gone. I'm going to try Basic next.

Why did this happen? Why the demise of the squeezable Charmin Dick Wilson sold us for so many wonderful and comforting years? I'm thinking that it's cheaper to make these three versions in Mexico. Or, some young hotshot executive never saw how long we lived with "The New Coke"before the public threated a boycott. Well, I think we need a butt-cott here. It's either give us the TP we know and love or I'm off to Angel Soft.